To Bump or Not To Bump

So The Bump is an evil vice I can't seem to completely shake. I started out at The Knot, then dabbled in the The Nest and now I am a lurker/ever so often poster at The Bump. I stalk the Infertility community board for obvious reasons, but more times than not, I find it very confusing. Most of the women seem to be in the IVF process on infertility. There also seems to be a lot more steps, a lot more drugs and a lot more tracking that goes into an IVF in comparison to a an IUI. Things like Betas and E2's??? They make me feel very inadequate and like I'm not 100% in the know. But like I mentioned before, I'm a little okay with not being in the know.

Infertility is a very hard thing to go through mentally. And some times I feel like a terrible person for feeling envious and/jealous of those around me that ever so easily get pregnant. I try to keep a happy face on and be TRULY happy for those people and for the most part I am, but it's not without quickly moving into the WHY NOT US phase. And that's painful for me. I don't like not being happy for other people. I hate it, actually.

I mention this because yesterday while perusing The Bump, I came across a post from a girl who had a bit of a breakdown while on facebook. Apparently her feed has been so ambushed with an abundant amount of fertile people and sonograms and birth announcements that she de-friended a few people to avoid being subjected to their happiness. Harsh statement but I think that pretty much sums it up. The post was quickly followed by a slew of responses from fellow infertiles who felt her pain and sympathized with her feelings of hopelessness. I was a little shocked that she would be THAT sore about it, that she would delete people from her fb, but I total understood her feelings of WHY NOT US.

WHY NOT US swirls through my head all the time. A couple months ago we were at the family lake house enjoying a hot summer day and my Aunt and Mother in Law were all chit chatting about my appointments and such. And my Aunt just blurted out, "I just don't understand why!!!!!!?????" I can't tell you how good it felt to here the same words that have been imprisoned in my head come out of someone else's mouth! It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It's not just me that thinks that way. It had always felt so selfish to think, so saying it aloud has never been an option. But there is was. Yesterday kind of felt like that moment all over again. Someone else is feeling the EXACT same way as I do. It's not JUST ME who feels that twinge of envy when people announce their expecting or when I see couples out and about with her brand new babies. I'm not a fan of the phrase misery loves company, but in this case it just feels like good to know I'm not alone.

So for now, my struggle with whether to Bump or not to Bump is still on going. I think for now I will use as a tool to self check my sanity. :) And the best part is that every once in a while you get a good success story and that just makes me keep on keepin' on!