Let's Get On With It Already!

Today I am just annoyed with my body. I feel like she's not being a team player. As you know I was expected to start yesterday or today and as of this morning, no such luck. HOWEVER, I am reluctant to take a pregnancy test for two reasons, I always have reasons, 1). I have been spotting since Sunday and my track record thus far has been spotting = period, not spotting = pregnant and 2). I simply HATE seeing the Not Pregnant sign flash across that teeny tiny screen.

Can't my body cut me a break and stop doing all this spotting business, I am just not up for FALSE hope these days. So, here's to hoping things get kicked into gear today and I don't have to pee on a stick tomorrow.

Obese and Pregnant

Sunday morning I woke up extra early. I was hosting my little sister's birthday party that afternoon at my house and wanted to make sure everything was in order. I grabbed a bowl of cereal and sat down to watch a little tv and caught a show called Obese and Pregnant. It's a little scary to admit this, but by health standards I am overweight. I would even go as far as to say, obese. But I don't FEEL obese. My weight have been a constant struggle, which you can read about here. My desire to have a baby right now is constantly struggling with my desire to lose weight before I do so. I would LOVE to be at a healthier weight before I start having babies, but after learning how NOT easy having a baby is going to be for us, I really don't want to put it off any longer. You would think with this going for over a year now, I would have done what was needed to shred some pounds, but that's just not the case. Although the last couple of weeks have felt like a bit of a page turner.

Anyway, I basically forced myself to watch this show that followed 3 obese women during their pregnancies. All 3 women were 300+ lbs. Two of the women obtained gestational diabetes and had to take daily injections to help maintain their blood sugar level. It was so eye opening. Not only is that something I don't EVER have to go through, they all 3 just looked miserable, MISERABLE, during their pregnancies. And I don't want that for myself, my baby or my husband. I'm not 300 lbs, but I am FAR from where I need to do to be.

The show freaked me out so bad, that I wasn't even sad when I started spotting yesterday. I immediately thought to myself, "WHEW, another month to try and lose some weight,". Kinda scary.

Twenty Nine

My progesterone is at a 29. Not sure what that means. You know you deal with so many different nurses and nurse practitioners that you call and one tells you one thing and then you call back and another one tells you another thing. When I finally did get someone on the phone, she asked me why we were checking my progesterone level to which I replied, because the Dr said she was going to and then asked me if I was on a progesterone supplement, to which I replied, No. She then said, well you're at a 29 which is nice an high and then just stopped talking. So instead of asking what that means, I just said OK GREAT, Bye! No naturally I'm kind of kicking myself. Like I mentioned before, I don't think the high number necessarily guarantee's anything other than a confirmation that I did indeed ovulate. But it would be nice to know that and rather than spend the next several days Googling progesterone levels. :)

 Doc says due to my last start date, I should start again on Monday or Tuesday, No period by then, then we pregnancy test. OH THE WAITING!!!

We I have decided to give the IUI two more rounds before we go in for the laparoscopy. Doc said that really a solid 6-9 months of trying is necessary since I started ovulating on the regular with Femara. Which sounds fair, so another two IUI's and then we'll cross that bridge.

That's all for now. :)

Meh.

The Dr appointment this morning went. Everything looks like I ovulated early, but just to be 100% sure, they drew some blood and are testing my progestrone levels. Looks like we're hoping to see a 10 or higher. Not that a 10 or higher would necessarily guarantee anything.

I'm feeling very meh about the whole thing, but hopefully that will change. Will keep you posted.

Not As Planned, As Usual

You would think by now I better. Lucky number 3 has not quite lived up to its expectations. Tuesday night I proceeded to ask Vance if he wanted to accompany me to my cycle day 12 sonogram. Typically I go these alone, since he tags along on IUI day. But I had quite a few questions about what our next steps were, after this IUI, and thought he might want to be present. What started out as a simple question turned into an utter disaster of a conversation. I was in tears, he was upset and we went to bed just that way. I woke up on Wednesday to get ready for my appointment and decided regardless if he wanted to go or not, I was going alone. You can imagine how well that went over. I got in the car, called my Aunt and managed for mumble out what was wrong through wailing sobs. I hadn't even arrived at the Dr and I was already crying! I parked the car, hung up with my Aunt, took a few deep breaths and patted my tear streaks away from my face. I was hoping to have a little time to compose myself even more in the waiting room, but within 3 minutes I was called back.

I was seeing one of my nurse practitioner, which I LOVE, but hadn't seen in a couple visits. They walked me down the hall, had me potty for comfort and then WEIGH myself. Which, besides my very first appointment, I've never had to do. Then they sat me down to take my blood pressure, again, not something I'm used to. She gave the machine an inquisitive look and asked me if I have issues with high blood pressure, to which I replied no, but I'm very ANXIOUS and have been crying ALL morning. And instantaneously the water works began. I instantly was given the puppy dog face of WHAT'S WRONG!!!! They had me take a few deep breaths and try to relax, YEAH, like that's going to work, and retook my blood pressure, high again. At that point, they put it off until later and escorted me into the room.

For the first 15 minutes of my appointment I just blabbed on and on about how disappointed we were that we weren't pregnant yet and how we didn't understand why it wasn't working. I told her I wanted to do the laproscopy and that Vance didn't really think we needed to. I asked her at what point we have to start thinking about IVF and if she knew of anyone who wanted to sell their baby, cause I was in the market. JUST KIDDING! But pretty much every thought that entered into my mind came out like worm vomit. She gave me all the reassurance in the world that we were on the right path. That it's hard to hear them get excited about thing looking good during a cycle just to have a negative pregnancy test, but that I have to focus on the positives, like, our first goal was to get me ovulation regularly, to which I am now. And consecutively at that. And that only puts us one step closer. I spare you the rest of the sobbing details, but bottom line had a great therapy sessions followed up by some not so great news.

The sonogram showed that I had about 5-6 follicles on each ovary, but none measuring out at the 20-22mm that we needed. UTTER DEFEAT. However, she did see other aspects that made her think that maybe I ovulated early this round. So I pee'd in a cup for a surge test, which is always fun, and she sent me packing. I don't think I hit the door fast enough. And of course bumped into EVERY SINGLE PREGNANT LADY ON THE PLANET on the way out.

I called Vance who didn't answer (not intentionally). FUN. And then immediately emailed my boss to ask if I could work from home the rest of the day. I could barely see the road through my crocodile tears. How in the world were we missing a cycle again!??? I got home, back into pajamas, logged into work and just laid on the couch in the fetus position of DOOM! Vance called back and I explained what I could through more sobs. And then had to ward off every follow-up question to how the appointment went. The ONLY downfall to your support system is the genuinely want to know how things went.


Before you think I've driven off a cliff and am posting this from beyond the grave, here comes the light at the end of the tunnel. At about 2:00pm, the Dr called and said the surge test was positive! So it turns out I must have ovulated a little early. She recommended we give the round the good old college try and see what happens. All of Vance's results have proven to be more than capable of getting the job done, so there was no concern there. She also wanted to see me back on Monday to take another look around.

I used yesterday and my debbie downer day. And through a little persuasive talking and lunch with Vance today, I've decided today is a new day. I'm going to have bad days and this isn't going to be easy, but I am a woman of FAITH and that's just what I have to have.

So wish us luck as we embark on our 3 day baby making course. ;) And I will report back after Monday's appointment.