You would think by now I better. Lucky number 3 has not quite lived up to its expectations. Tuesday night I proceeded to ask Vance if he wanted to accompany me to my cycle day 12 sonogram. Typically I go these alone, since he tags along on IUI day. But I had quite a few questions about what our next steps were, after this IUI, and thought he might want to be present. What started out as a simple question turned into an utter disaster of a conversation. I was in tears, he was upset and we went to bed just that way. I woke up on Wednesday to get ready for my appointment and decided regardless if he wanted to go or not, I was going alone. You can imagine how well that went over. I got in the car, called my Aunt and managed for mumble out what was wrong through wailing sobs. I hadn't even arrived at the Dr and I was already crying! I parked the car, hung up with my Aunt, took a few deep breaths and patted my tear streaks away from my face. I was hoping to have a little time to compose myself even more in the waiting room, but within 3 minutes I was called back.
I was seeing one of my nurse practitioner, which I LOVE, but hadn't seen in a couple visits. They walked me down the hall, had me potty for comfort and then WEIGH myself. Which, besides my very first appointment, I've never had to do. Then they sat me down to take my blood pressure, again, not something I'm used to. She gave the machine an inquisitive look and asked me if I have issues with high blood pressure, to which I replied no, but I'm very ANXIOUS and have been crying ALL morning. And instantaneously the water works began. I instantly was given the puppy dog face of WHAT'S WRONG!!!! They had me take a few deep breaths and try to relax, YEAH, like that's going to work, and retook my blood pressure, high again. At that point, they put it off until later and escorted me into the room.
For the first 15 minutes of my appointment I just blabbed on and on about how disappointed we were that we weren't pregnant yet and how we didn't understand why it wasn't working. I told her I wanted to do the laproscopy and that Vance didn't really think we needed to. I asked her at what point we have to start thinking about IVF and if she knew of anyone who wanted to sell their baby, cause I was in the market. JUST KIDDING! But pretty much every thought that entered into my mind came out like worm vomit. She gave me all the reassurance in the world that we were on the right path. That it's hard to hear them get excited about thing looking good during a cycle just to have a negative pregnancy test, but that I have to focus on the positives, like, our first goal was to get me ovulation regularly, to which I am now. And consecutively at that. And that only puts us one step closer. I spare you the rest of the sobbing details, but bottom line had a great therapy sessions followed up by some not so great news.
The sonogram showed that I had about 5-6 follicles on each ovary, but none measuring out at the 20-22mm that we needed. UTTER DEFEAT. However, she did see other aspects that made her think that maybe I ovulated early this round. So I pee'd in a cup for a surge test, which is always fun, and she sent me packing. I don't think I hit the door fast enough. And of course bumped into EVERY SINGLE PREGNANT LADY ON THE PLANET on the way out.
I called Vance who didn't answer (not intentionally). FUN. And then immediately emailed my boss to ask if I could work from home the rest of the day. I could barely see the road through my crocodile tears. How in the world were we missing a cycle again!??? I got home, back into pajamas, logged into work and just laid on the couch in the fetus position of DOOM! Vance called back and I explained what I could through more sobs. And then had to ward off every follow-up question to how the appointment went. The ONLY downfall to your support system is the genuinely want to know how things went.
Before you think I've driven off a cliff and am posting this from beyond the grave, here comes the light at the end of the tunnel. At about 2:00pm, the Dr called and said the surge test was positive! So it turns out I must have ovulated a little early. She recommended we give the round the good old college try and see what happens. All of Vance's results have proven to be more than capable of getting the job done, so there was no concern there. She also wanted to see me back on Monday to take another look around.
I used yesterday and my debbie downer day. And through a little persuasive talking and lunch with Vance today, I've decided today is a new day. I'm going to have bad days and this isn't going to be easy, but I am a woman of FAITH and that's just what I have to have.
So wish us luck as we embark on our 3 day baby making course. ;) And I will report back after Monday's appointment.
No comments:
Post a Comment