The Flying Pig

It stings a bit to sign in and re-read the last few happy, positive posts, just to be writing this not so fun one. For quite some time I have not been a fan of at home pregnancy tests. For the very blatant reason of they are always negative. I mean who in the hell would like that? So for the most part, I don't even test on Day 12 after our IUI's, I just prefer to wait. Unfortunately in our situation the inevitable always seems to happen.  But this last round just felt SO hopeful. I had never gotten a positive ovulation reading and we actually did the IUI BEFORE my egg had even released, we just felt so ahead of the game this time. I did the unthinkable and started thinking I could tell everyone at Thanksgiving, while we were sharing what we were thankful for and it just all went to pot from there. In all the excitement, I created all by my lonesome, I decided not only to test, but to test early and to test early twice. WHY!?? Testing day this last cycle was to be Sunday, November 25th. I tested on Wednesday, November 21st and got a negative and then again on Friday, November 23rd. After that I gave up. I am naturally a very anxious person and have been having a really difficult time controlling my nerves during this whole process, especially around the testing part of these cycles. So if the tests are correct, I will be awaiting dooms day on Thursday and the start of a whole other cycle to come. After about a two day melt down and I dragged myself out of bed, wiped away tears from my puffy eyes and logged into The Bump. The one thing I have found the infertility community board to be helpful with is simply not feeling like an absolute basket case. It makes me feel like it's okay that I have these breakdowns and that it's okay that EVERY TIME I hear someone I know is pregnant my first reaction is to cry and ask why. I know it's not the right thing to do, but it's just what happens and right now it feels like it can't be helped. So to all the ladies on the infertility board, THANK YOU for sharing your absolute worst days with me and the rest of the ladies. As hard as it is, it helps.

I also wanted to introduce you my new little friend, The Flying Pig. While doing a little Christmas shopping to lift my spirits, I stumbled across this series of voodoo dolls. This little dude is supposed to help with mood swings and help me live a relaxed and carefree lifestyle. Believe me...I'M TRYING!