I would hate to admit that negative pregnancy tests are becoming somewhat routine, but I fear this is the truth. The devastation of the negative was no less severe, but this time the sting didn't last as long. It was more of a slow burn after the initial jab to the heart. I know what I did wrong, I got ahead of myself, like way ahead of myself. Because this time I hadn't started my period yet, I started to get pretty freakin' hopeful that the bloated-ness and mild cramping were pregnancy symptoms and not period symptoms. I started looking up one syllable girl names. I started thinking about how I was going to tell Vance that it was positive. I started thinking about when that would make my due date. I started doing everything I told myself I wouldn't do.
I could tell immediately that the test was negative by the "Hi, Stephanie, it's Ashley from Texas Fertility." Didn't even have to listen to the whole thing, the "Hi," said it all. I got the call at work, hung up the phone and walked outside to call Vance. Before the phone even started to ring, I was sobbing. We had the same conversation we have with every negative test and then did our best to continue about our day. I ugly cried the entire car drive home and by the time I was home it was mostly out of my system other than a few misty eye situations at dinner.
So the next step is on us. We decide if we want to go immediately into the next cycle or take some time off. As of this afternoon, we have decided to take some time off, but for a purpose. I'm not sure how much I've gotten into this on here, but I have decided to be tested to Gluten sensitivity. I will spare you all the not fun symptoms I am experiencing that have led me to be bested and just saw that I have read enough articles that link Gluten and Infertility that I think it's time to invest some serious effort into changing my eat habits. Today I had my blood work done and will be receiving the results in 3 weeks. Until then, I am to start removing the Gluten out of my life. I think this is nothing but a positive change. I've talked on here before about being Obese and Pregnant and how I would love to change that, so here's my chance.
I was always under the impression, if I were to take some time off from the Acker making to work on my weight, it would be something like a year or more. My heart couldn't really bare that sort of wait. But after talking to the Dr this morning, she said I would be surprised at what kind of progress I can make in a few short months. So that's exactly what we're going to do. We are going to take a few months to better ourselves and make a few positive changes and then give it another go.
Thanks for listening and hoping and praying. I'd love to hear from those of you who are reading, so send me an email or leave a comment. I will keep you posted on how the Gluten mission is going.
Until next time...
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Friday, July 19, 2013
The Waiting Is Horrible
Apparently we will have to endure the dreaded 6 hour wait. I left the lab at 7:30 am and it is now 1:00 pm and still no call back. And yes, I did email my nurse this morning to confirm they would be calling me and not the other way around.
So, I am here...nervous and waiting...
So, I am here...nervous and waiting...
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Test Day So Soon!!!!????
We had our second transfer on the 11th! This one was so easy, it was ridiculous. We had three frozen embryos left from our last retrieval and decided to just transfer one. Our thought process was to maximize the number of frozen transfers. One, the process is way less painless and shorter and two WAY less expensive. Plus, one embryo at a time will keep the multiple chances down. I'm not really sure if that's true or not, but that's what we're going with!
We had to do some rearranging of the schedule due to a 30th birthday celebration, more on that another time and due to our Dr's availability. I honestly couldn't figure out when test day was. I emailed my nurse for confirmation and sure enough we go in tomorrow. FRIGHTENING!
I have not started yet. If you remember I started on a Friday and test day was Sunday. I have been feeling very bloated and heavy. Mild cramping is kind of coming an going, but absolutely no spotting. Today, I was so hungry at lunch that I was nauseous. But if I'm being honest with myself , that happens all the time, hahah. I am literally hovering between being super excited and hopeful and preparing myself for the negative results. The last time we tested was on a Sunday. So the only open lab was in the hospital downtown. If you follow the blog, you remember that horrid story. If you don't follow, you can re-read the disaster here. Testing was done at 8:00 am (was supposed to be there by 7:30 am, whoops!) and we didn't get the results until 1:45 pm. So now I am wondering if we will have to do that dreaded 6 hour wait again, or if since it's during working hours, we will have results sooner???? Am I rambling...I feel like I am rambling...Have I mentioned I'm nervous?
Last night I spent the evening thinking of ways I was going to tell Vance if it was positive. Vance KNOWS test day is tomorrow, but given our current situation of moving into our new house, we have been pretty preoccupied and I wouldn't blame him if he had forgotten. Hell, up until two days ago, I ALMOST FORGOT! So I was thinking how cool would it be if he DID forget and I got positive results back and called me for a random lunch date and was able to tell me in person and surprise him!!!!!! And then I quickly yanked myself back down to reality. STOP PUTTING THE CART BEFORE THE HORSE, STEPHANIE! If this process has taught me anything, you would think it was to NOT GET AHEAD OF MYSELF. And yet hear I am, getting ahead. So, I am putting all ideas of how this whole thing will play out until we have something to play out.
Please wish us luck and if prayer is something you do and believe in, please send them our way. I am taking any and every offer of positivity and love and support we can get. This round has been hard because we opted to tell no one. We each got one person to confide in, should we need to vent to someone other than each other, but it kind of feels like because of that, we don't have everyone rooting in our corner like last time.
I will do my best to report back tomorrow. Last time I couldn't bare to put the bad news in permanent blog world yet. I was still trying to process the disappointment myself. Again, I will do my best. Thanks again for listening and hoping and praying for us. If it's not tomorrow, it WILL be another day. I know it.
:)
We had to do some rearranging of the schedule due to a 30th birthday celebration, more on that another time and due to our Dr's availability. I honestly couldn't figure out when test day was. I emailed my nurse for confirmation and sure enough we go in tomorrow. FRIGHTENING!
I have not started yet. If you remember I started on a Friday and test day was Sunday. I have been feeling very bloated and heavy. Mild cramping is kind of coming an going, but absolutely no spotting. Today, I was so hungry at lunch that I was nauseous. But if I'm being honest with myself , that happens all the time, hahah. I am literally hovering between being super excited and hopeful and preparing myself for the negative results. The last time we tested was on a Sunday. So the only open lab was in the hospital downtown. If you follow the blog, you remember that horrid story. If you don't follow, you can re-read the disaster here. Testing was done at 8:00 am (was supposed to be there by 7:30 am, whoops!) and we didn't get the results until 1:45 pm. So now I am wondering if we will have to do that dreaded 6 hour wait again, or if since it's during working hours, we will have results sooner???? Am I rambling...I feel like I am rambling...Have I mentioned I'm nervous?
Last night I spent the evening thinking of ways I was going to tell Vance if it was positive. Vance KNOWS test day is tomorrow, but given our current situation of moving into our new house, we have been pretty preoccupied and I wouldn't blame him if he had forgotten. Hell, up until two days ago, I ALMOST FORGOT! So I was thinking how cool would it be if he DID forget and I got positive results back and called me for a random lunch date and was able to tell me in person and surprise him!!!!!! And then I quickly yanked myself back down to reality. STOP PUTTING THE CART BEFORE THE HORSE, STEPHANIE! If this process has taught me anything, you would think it was to NOT GET AHEAD OF MYSELF. And yet hear I am, getting ahead. So, I am putting all ideas of how this whole thing will play out until we have something to play out.
Please wish us luck and if prayer is something you do and believe in, please send them our way. I am taking any and every offer of positivity and love and support we can get. This round has been hard because we opted to tell no one. We each got one person to confide in, should we need to vent to someone other than each other, but it kind of feels like because of that, we don't have everyone rooting in our corner like last time.
I will do my best to report back tomorrow. Last time I couldn't bare to put the bad news in permanent blog world yet. I was still trying to process the disappointment myself. Again, I will do my best. Thanks again for listening and hoping and praying for us. If it's not tomorrow, it WILL be another day. I know it.
:)
We're BACK Baby!
It has almost been exactly two months since my last post. I just finished re-reading it to see where we left off. That was a sad post. I guess in reality, a lot of these posts are sad. The whole concept of infertility is sad. But infertility is like riding the waves and today we are riding high. Let me bring you up to speed on how we used are non baby making down time over the lat two months!
Our vacation to the Cayman Islands was unbelievable! The rest and relaxation is just what the doctor ordered. The highlight for me was swimming with the stingrays! They were so cute, just like kitties. They swim up and brush up against your legs and body. And they love to be fed! So fun! Other than that, my spa visit with my mother in law was amazing and just having no agenda for 3 days straight was perfection! Here are a few of my favorite shots.
In the middle of our vacation, we decided to finish the last room in our house, the master bathroom. It was nice going without any construction in the house for a while, but if we didn't move quickly, we would probably never do it! In the middle of this "little" renovation, we found a house we liked. We like to stalk the Austin home market, it's one of our hobbies. The home was gorgeous and exactly what we were looking for. We held back every desire to go see it for as long as we could, about two weeks and then we caved. We called up our real estate agent, took a look around and fell in love. Then we did something crazy, we put in an offer before a.) our bathroom was complete and b.) before our house was even on the market! CRAZY KIDS, I know. They didn't even really respond to our first offer. We were heart broken, but as I mentioned before, we had time. The house had been on the market for over 50 days and we weren't quite ready to move forward either. Another couple weeks went by and while stalking again I noticed they had lowered their asking price. So again, we submitted another offer and this time they accepted! We had 3 days to get the bathroom done and get our current house listed! This one experience was a whirl wind, but it was probably the best decision we ever made. We listed our house on a Friday afternoon about 3:30 pm. We accepted an offer, over asking on Sunday morning about 11:00 am. Isn't that INSANE?! Less than 48 hours! So now we are packing and waiting for our close date.
Our vacation to the Cayman Islands was unbelievable! The rest and relaxation is just what the doctor ordered. The highlight for me was swimming with the stingrays! They were so cute, just like kitties. They swim up and brush up against your legs and body. And they love to be fed! So fun! Other than that, my spa visit with my mother in law was amazing and just having no agenda for 3 days straight was perfection! Here are a few of my favorite shots.
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| Our view front our condo! |
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| Swimming with Stingrays! So cool!!!! |
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| Cheers to paradise! |
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| Pier view! |
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| The Ackers! |
In the middle of our vacation, we decided to finish the last room in our house, the master bathroom. It was nice going without any construction in the house for a while, but if we didn't move quickly, we would probably never do it! In the middle of this "little" renovation, we found a house we liked. We like to stalk the Austin home market, it's one of our hobbies. The home was gorgeous and exactly what we were looking for. We held back every desire to go see it for as long as we could, about two weeks and then we caved. We called up our real estate agent, took a look around and fell in love. Then we did something crazy, we put in an offer before a.) our bathroom was complete and b.) before our house was even on the market! CRAZY KIDS, I know. They didn't even really respond to our first offer. We were heart broken, but as I mentioned before, we had time. The house had been on the market for over 50 days and we weren't quite ready to move forward either. Another couple weeks went by and while stalking again I noticed they had lowered their asking price. So again, we submitted another offer and this time they accepted! We had 3 days to get the bathroom done and get our current house listed! This one experience was a whirl wind, but it was probably the best decision we ever made. We listed our house on a Friday afternoon about 3:30 pm. We accepted an offer, over asking on Sunday morning about 11:00 am. Isn't that INSANE?! Less than 48 hours! So now we are packing and waiting for our close date.
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| Update: SOLD! |
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