The Aftermath

I would hate to admit that negative pregnancy tests are becoming somewhat routine, but I fear this is the truth. The devastation of the negative was no less severe, but this time the sting didn't last as long. It was more of a slow burn after the initial jab to the heart. I know what I did wrong, I got ahead of myself, like way ahead of myself. Because this time I hadn't started my period yet, I started to get pretty freakin' hopeful that the bloated-ness and mild cramping were pregnancy symptoms and not period symptoms. I started looking up one syllable girl names. I started thinking about how I was going to tell Vance that it was positive. I started thinking about when that would make my due date. I started doing everything I told myself I wouldn't do.

I could tell immediately that the test was negative by the "Hi, Stephanie, it's Ashley from Texas Fertility." Didn't even have to listen to the whole thing, the "Hi," said it all. I got the call at work, hung up the phone and walked outside to call Vance. Before the phone even started to ring, I was sobbing. We had the same conversation we have with every negative test and then did our best to continue about our day. I ugly cried the entire car drive home and by the time I was home it was mostly out of my system other than a few misty eye situations at dinner.

So the next step is on us. We decide if we want to go immediately into the next cycle or take some time off. As of this afternoon, we have decided to take some time off, but for a purpose. I'm not sure how much I've gotten into this on here, but I have decided to be tested to Gluten sensitivity. I will spare you all the not fun symptoms I am experiencing that have led me to be bested and just saw that I have read enough articles that link Gluten and Infertility that I think it's time to invest some serious effort into changing my eat habits. Today I had my blood work done and will be receiving the results in 3 weeks. Until then, I am to start removing the Gluten out of my life. I think this is nothing but a positive change. I've talked on here before about being Obese and Pregnant and how I would love to change that, so here's my chance.

I was always under the impression, if I were to take some time off from the Acker making to work on my weight, it would be something like a year or more. My heart couldn't really bare that sort of wait. But after talking to the Dr this morning, she said I would be surprised at what kind of progress I can make in a few short months. So that's exactly what we're going to do. We are going to take a few months to better ourselves and make a few positive changes and then give it another go.

Thanks for listening and hoping and praying. I'd love to hear from those of you who are reading, so send me an email or leave a comment. I will keep you posted on how the Gluten mission is going.

Until next time...