Running the Gamut

It would be so easy to let the sadness wash over me. To slink into my bed, turn the lights out, pull the covers over my heard and just be done with everything else going around me. If I am being honest, it's what I want to do. If I'm being more honest, it's what I've done in the past. And if I'm being like SUPER honest, it's what I thought I would be doing right now. Instead, I've decided to try the road less traveled...by me. The road that has no why me's, why us, what did I do wrong, its not fair. This road feels way less burdened, less heavy, less all consuming and so I think I'll stay a while. I want to come out of this a better person, to have used this hurt for good, for the better of our marriage and for the better of relationship with God. I jokingly told my best friend the other day I feel like God has me in training for the Justice League. All these trials He is putting us through, all these things I don't think I/we am/are strong enough to endure, yet here I/we stand, unwavering in my/our foundation of God's love and grace.

I didn't cry once yesterday, made it a whole day without tears. I thought about it constantly, how in an instance there were all these things we were looking forward to, counting down to and now they were just gone. I wondered if I would feel like that until we got to January...then what? But then the moment passed. And I think that's just how it goes. Everyday will get easier and in between then we'll deal with these fleeting moments of sadness and what ifs.

I am proud to say I did exactly what I wanted to yesterday as far as jumping back into my eating/exercising routine goes. Had a fairly successful food day and then started my c25K back up and made it all the way through! And if that wasn't enough, I'll have you I even threw out the remaining brownies I had made over the weekend and opted to go to HEB and purchase some Skinny Cow treats instead. Holy COW, right!!??! It doesn't deserve a statue or a gold medal by any means, but it's progress people!

Thanks for listening and reading and praying and everything in between.

Bye for now.