The down's have been fewer and farther between. That is a good feeling. But Sunday I came to the conclusion that I am still looking to fill this void I have with something, anything, that I can set my mind to. Not healthy. I think I have talked about this before, so bear with me as I play a little bit of a broken record.
The moment I got the positive pregnancy news, I instantly knew two things. 1.) The back and forth discussion about whether to sell our house and down size or to stay was immediately squashed! I knew that we were exactly where we needed to be house wise. 2.) We needed to buckle down and pay down some debt, like FAST! We had daycare coming full speed ahead and I felt buried under credit card and student loan balances. Fast forward to the present, no longer under a 9 month timeline, I have this overwhelming desire to get rid of the debt. I think the thought process behind it is, we need to get rid of the debt as fast as possible, so when we do find ourselves in the positive pregnancy test situation, I don't have this feeling of sudden panic syndrome. I know there will be plenty of other pieces to sweat over, if I can remove the financial aspect from it, for the most part, that will make life easier.
So Sunday on the drive home from the lake, I presented my brilliant idea of leasing out our home to renters for a year. We would move into a one bedroom apartment, and apply the extra $$$$ towards paying down our debt. Ingenious, right!? The scary thing is I think I could have actually convinced Vance to do it. The man will literally do anything to make me happy. But how selfish can I be!? I know the hurt and sadness wont last forever, but right now, when life slows down, my mind goes into overhaul trying to figure out things to do, until I am distracted with the next item on the agenda. It's a little exhausting and I'm sure poor Vance is at the end of his rope. You know it took so long to get to this place of peace before this last transfer. And I just don't know if I have the strength to get back there again after something like this. It feels overwhelming and unreachable at the moment. Needless to say, I have been in a constant state of prayer. Asking God to heal my heart and make me strong again. He is the only person who can make me whole, fulfill my heart and I desperately need that right now.
I don't want to leave you guys with such a sad tone. Everyday is getting better and the more I allow myself to work through it, the easier it is to cope. I'm trying to talk about it more, as annoying as it is, to friends and family. At the very least I am getting the thoughts and words out of my head for a fleeting moment and that can't be anything but good, right????
So we aren't being somber sallys, here's a little look into our weekend at the lake for Dad's birthday!
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| The Power Plant, new restaurant in Seguin with an AWESOME view. |
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| Mom and the birthday boy, lakeside. :) |
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| Night fishing was unsuccessful, but still so fun. |
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| Maggie found the lake to be oh so relaxing. |
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| Gator VERY excited to be going home. |
Bye for now.
I'm right there with you on paying off debt! I know that I will have a major panic attack if we ever get a BFP!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you guys had a relaxing time at the lake and hope that the 4th is just as relaxing!
We are going to my hubby's uncle's house on the 4th. Every year he does his own fireworks over his pond. They are amazing!
Yah! Love fireworks. I wish there was a quick fix to debt. :( This isn't our first go round with it and I'm sure it won't be our last!
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